The Paradox of Happiness
Like Chasing Rainbows?

The Paradox of Happiness

In some ways, seeking happiness is like chasing a rainbow—the faster you run, the more it recedes. Instead of sitting still and enjoying the rainbow, we end up experiencing our own grasping.

Recent studies showed Denmark as the happiest country in the world. (The U.S. ranked twenty-third!) Researchers speculate that Danes have rather modest expectations about what's really possible. Even in the face of distressing news, a common Danish expression is "It could have been worse."

They also have free health care and education, plus generous parental leave, and six weeks of vacation a year! They don't lose their health care if they get laid off during an economic downturn.

They're not greatly disturbed when things don't go quite as well as they might wish, since they tend not to have overblown expectations to begin with—and overall, they're pretty content with their lives.

Perhaps the United States, with the Pursuit of Happiness enshrined in our Declaration of Independence, could learn something about the paradox of happiness from tiny Denmark!

The New "Science of Happiness"

Yet there are ways to enhance our sense of well-being in the world. We now know a lot more about the essential conditions of happiness. Martin Seligman, in his book Authentic Happiness, identifies these as “positive affect (feeling good), engagement with others, and meaning.”

I would add a fourth aspect to these: a sense of equanimity, or contentment, which arises from being in the present, conscious of your own awareness.

People often think of happiness in terms of various pleasures: sex, food, or thrilling experiences. All of these can be quite enjoyable, but the pleasure we feel doesn’t last very long. Another paradox of happiness is that living a life solely dedicated to seeking one sensual experience after another can easily lead to addictions and compulsive behavior.

Freud suggested love and work as the main sources of human fulfillment: intimate connections with family and friends, and a meaningful sense of purpose in the world. In addition, finding and contributing something beyond yourself, by doing something you find inherently interesting and worthwhile—whether through spirituality, politics, or volunteering for a cause you believe in—can also contribute to our sense of well-being, engagement, and meaning.

Being totally engaged in the moment can lead to a satisfying feeling of flow. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced "chick-sent-me-high-ee") the author of Flow, suggests we're in flow when we have enough of a challenge to engage us, but not so much that we feel overwhelmed. This provides a wonderful optimization of experience—we're nearly oblivious to the passage of time, because we are so involved with whatever we’re doing.

Mindfulness offers another way to experience flow by helping us get in touch with our own sense of being-in-the-moment—which ends the chase, and can be gratifying in itself: another example of the paradox of happiness! Instead of striving to get something, we find relief by easing into the present moment.

Having some confidence in our ability to engage with the world leads to a sense of efficacy—that we can actually have an effect. Then we can be more responsive, rather than reactive. Instead of grasping at whatever catches our attention—whether it’s the latest gadget, sex, money, or power—we can assess whether a given action really serves us.

To see how the paradox of happiness, and the new "science of happiness" might work in your own life, click on Happiness Coaching.

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Rik is the author of the forthcoming book:

Shift Your Mood: Unleash Your Life! Your Pathway to Inner Happiness

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